Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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