My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
