its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
