): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
