The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
