i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
