There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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