I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
