you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
