You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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