he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I have already put on my inside pants.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
