I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
