Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Randomize
