I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
