her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
