i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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