so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
