im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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