we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Come see our sink grown plant.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
