All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize