If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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