I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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