ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
