my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
