hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
