Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Randomize
