Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
