Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
