Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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