Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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