Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
