Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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