All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
