is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
