Whod you bang
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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