Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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