i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
