she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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