GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
