i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
