We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Randomize
