It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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