i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
