my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
