I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
