R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
