I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
