ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I AM VODKA MAN
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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