I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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