alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
