fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
