I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
