shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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