If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
So here I am, sexting at work.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
