I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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