so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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