...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
