Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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