Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize