kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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