His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
