I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
The adults are the big ones right?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize