i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
