that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
and she was petting her beer can
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
