There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
