I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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