okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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