So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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