Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
