I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
