were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Randomize
