just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
