To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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