Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize